Confessions of an Introvert: The Thoughts I Keep to Myself

It surprised a sum total of no one when shy child Bron grew up into shy adult Bron with major social anxiety. It's been a wild ride navigating a world not designed for quieter types. And like many trying to survive, I've developed more than a few odd quirks in my life as an introvert. Most of them are weird; some are a little tender, and others may make you question how I've survived this long. But to fellow introverts reading (hi, hello), I hope you find this article relatable.

Introvert Dating: I Can't Date Quiet People

When I entered the dating pool, I thought I'd be drawn to mysterious, quiet guys, given my own personality. Someone who prefers date nights in, reading books, and dogs over people. Small talk? A shared dislike. I was wrong. I married a confident extrovert. He's social. Likes to spend Friday nights meeting new people. Strangers? People who will one day be your friends. That guy. And you know what? After many painful past encounters with quiet men, I enjoy the company of my loud partner and his ability to talk about anything. But our introvert-extrovert relationships aren't all rainbows and sunshine all the time. There are tricky challenges to dating a super extrovert, too.

"After many painful meetups with quiet men, I enjoy the company of my extroverted partner and his ability to talk about anything".

People-Watching Is a Fun Sport For Introverted People

Your quiet friends may tell you they like spending time alone, and it's true—many of us do! But we're human and get lonely, too. If my husband is busy and my two whole friends aren't available, I might head out somewhere to watch people and feel connected to the world. I love observing them as they interact with each other and be themselves. I don't eavesdrop; instead, I keep the mystery alive by making up stories about their lives. In those moments, I choose not to talk to people or pay attention to their conversations because it destroys the tales I've spun in my head. Weird? Yeah, I thought so.

I Actually Like People (Despite the Stereotypes)

You know those t-shirts or signs that read something like "Dogs because I hate people." Ah, I hate those. It's like waving a flag that says, "I'm introverted, so I'm allowed to be rude.

Sure, it can suck people when people don't get us, but we can be introverted, friendly and approachable all at the same time. While I have more dog friends than human ones, I'm happy to chat and find people interesting, unless you happen to be Donald Trump or Elon Musk.

This Introvert Didn't Hate Everything About the Pandemic

Okay, before I ruffle a few feathers here, let me acknowledge that the pandemic was inherently terrible. People lost their lives and livelihoods and suffered in myriad ways. But here's the kicker: it did provide a hiatus from socialising that I embraced wholeheartedly. It also ushered in the remote-working era that fit my introvert lifestyle. Five years later, I'm over the moon that remote working is still on-trend and that I don't have to see many people during my workweek.

How Introverts Feel at Parties

I like to feel invisible but a little bit noticed, but mostly, I want to blend in the background. The introverts get it. The extroverts dating introverts are scratching their heads, but let me explain. You're at a party, perhaps there because an extrovert dragged you along (they tell you "you need to get out more"), and you find yourself alone in a corner. Around you are well-adjusted adults seamlessly sliding into conversations. Feeling awkward, you pull out your phone, waiting to be saved by a resident dog in need of belly scratches or another outsider looking for like-minded company.

At that moment, I just wished someone would notice me and think, “Hey, that person in the corner definitely looks worth chatting with! The same as any other person, rejection and complete exclusion sting - like joining a conversation, feeling as memorable as a human statue or coat rack. But let's be real for a moment: just because I want to be noticed by at least one person doesn't mean I enjoy the limelight. The thought of sharing my opinion in front of a crowd is the stuff of nightmares!

Surprisingly Good at Phone Calls (But No Telemarketers, Please)

While I prefer conversations over WhatsApp to avoid awkward pauses, I don't dread making or taking phone calls. Reason being: it was my assigned duty as a kid to answer the phone when house phones were still a thing. Plus, my extroverted husband sometimes finds phone calls quicker and easier, which I get. I don't need to rehearse the call, overthink it, or mentally prepare before; I just dial and let whatever chaos unfold.

But if you're a telemarketer, please don't call me. I'm a terrible people pleaser who can't stand the thought of being insensitive. I will politely listen to your sales pitch through to the end, while screaming on the inside.

The Shy Label: A Childhood Burden

I asked for Ai's interpretation of "shyness," and this is what I got. I hate the colours and the sadness emanating from this.

Growing up, I was often labelled shy, and people didn't understand why that bothered me. Aren't shy and introverted interchangeable terms? In my young mind, being called shy felt like a negative judgment, specifically when delivered in a sympathetic tone that made me feel like a meek and helpless human. For me, being labelled shy was like being told that I'm a flat, two-D character without opinions or interests - somehow a human tragedy. Let's celebrate the uniqueness of introverts instead.

"Let's remove shy from the dictionary, shall we and celebrate the uniqueness of introverts instead".

Please Don't Tell Me I'm Quiet

This isn't news.. Please don't state the obvious to me or any other introverted people who live through it. You've made me self-conscious, and the conversation is awkward. I feel weird and probably won't engage now.

I'm Quiet Because I Don't Know What to Say

I promise I'm not being rude or disinterested, it just feels like there's nothing in my brain sometimes. This is often because I'm filled with so much nerves or anxiety that I don't have space for anything else and can't formulate coherent thoughts. Please give me a chance to come into my own. This is the same for interviews, where I often struggle to reach for the right word or string sentences together. It can feel shameful and disheartening sometimes, being judged on this first appearance instead of my skills. I'll be chattier when I become familiar and comfortable with you and my surroundings.

I Don't Like To Speak for the Sake of Speaking

Sometimes friends say that although I speak the least, it adds to the conversation when I say something because it means I've given it great thought. Not to blow my own horn, but I speak when there's something to say, not to fill the silence or be heard but not listened to. Brevity and word economy can be your friends, and I'll never see the point of talking for the sake of it. Let my words hold weight. Let them be memorable.

I Don't Wish Introversion on my Future Kids

I can't wait to have kids. My partner and I will be great parents, each bringing our strengths to the table. I feel like I bring a lot to offer with my introverted qualities, especially with my hefty dose of empathy. While I celebrate my introversion or being a "shy adult", I didn't exactly choose it. There are days when I wish I were born with the gift of the gab because life can be complicated without it. And if there's one thing I don't want to pass on to my kids, it's being quiet. But no matter how they turn out, I’ll love them just the same, whether they’re little chatterboxes or prefer the art of silence. nce